It’s Like a Polish Wedding. With Strangers. And Bagpipes.
“Hang em high for justice the whole world to see. Now off with their heads boys and bring’ em to me”.
Ah St. Paddys is on the way. And mostly it falls on a weekday, so some of you may find yourself wearin’ the green on the weekend – but true purists will arrange their schedules.
Don’t embarrass Auntie by being an amateur on St. Pats. Please don’t wear light up shamrocks or one of those cat in the hat things. Take the high road. Drinking will make you foolish enough without looking like that person below and to the right.
I am here to tell you that everyone is NOT Irish on St. Pats. But yes…. we all want to be. (I actually am – with real relatives over on the old sod….so I can preach at you.)
This is the day I get out my Belfast Giants hockey jersey and drink to the fallen soldiers. I can do this. I have had practice and I have the genes. So let me give you some advice…. Especially the youngsters.
I do NOT want to you see staggering out of some bar with an O’ in front of the name…. at 9 AM in the morning. This is NOT good form.
You may start early but, you must pace yourself or you will miss the bagpipers when they start making the rounds in the evening.
Here are some helpful hints from a St. Pat’s professional.
HAVE A PLAN AND STICK TO IT
- Know where you are and how you will end up at home.
- If necessary write instructions on your hand with a sharpie so they won’t wash off in the rest room (as you may be visiting the restroom a LOT – and later you may need to show them to a cab driver)
- If the instructions are still there and you can’t read them its time to stop.
- Start with a good base of bangers and mash and continue to ingest carbs SLOWLY as you go along.
WHISKEY IS FOR GROWNUPS
- It will creep up on you – whiskey on St. Pats is like church wine….you sip from a glass with respect. You drink to the fallen and the lost and then you sing some old songs and cry.
- Please. Try not to throw up in the alley like niece Patty did the minute she hit Dublin (simply from drinking on the airplane on the way over).
DRINKING AND FIGHTING DO NOT MIX
CASE IN POINT: The recent UMass-Amherst Blarney Blowout Riot.(Google it).
- If you get rowdy or if you get in a rowdy situation back off – go hide in the rest room….
- If law enforcement becomes involved be polite and remorseful…. at least outwardly, like a good Irish Republican.
- Trust me, you don’t want to argue with a sober officer when you are in your cups. Live to fight another day.
DON’T GO OFF ON YOUR OWN
- As the day wears on and especially if you have gone over your personal best on total drinks imbibed – please travel with friends. Bad things have happened to loners. (I am serious here).
REMEMBER – THE BUSSES IN MILWAUKEE ARE FREE AFTER 6 PM
I have no fancy recipes for this day. Stick to the basics…. Guinness and /or Jameson
Have fun but – know your limits.
Don’t end up all over the interweb with your pants on your head. May all your twerking pipers have flames shooting from their tenor drones.